(photo by Achier Sterling for Selmin Trendwatchers)
Violence is something that occurs daily, and unfortunately it happened to me too. After I got abused by a stranger back in May, my life changed completely. I changed and I didn’t notice. In July I wrote about me noticing that I found it hard to come back on track – I thought it was just a phase because it just happened and I just got recovered physically. Weeks flew by and instead of actually coming back on track – my mental state became worse. A simple reply on an e-mail became a task that took me a lot of effort, I couldn’t enjoy things that I normally loved doing (like for example eating), I could hardly concentrate and 99% of the time I was gloomy, irritated and avoiding people. I just couldn’t explain my changed behavior – all I was doing was building more walls around me and ‘faking’ I was the most happiest person alive.
The inexplicable thing of this all: past events came back in my head and gave me severe anxiety attacks. Most of you know that I had a very difficult childhood. Unfortunate events happened during my childhood which I thought I processed a long time ago – I did not process it, I suppressed it. For years. Which now explains my behavior and the anxiety attacks.
So a couple of weeks ago I went to my doctor, who diagnosed me having post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and we discussed several options among which emdr therapy, which I’ll start with in two weeks. The next following months I’ll focus on a better me: my mental and physical health. It will be a rollercoaster ride but only after I’m fully healed I can live the life I always wanted: a happy, successful life.
I’ve been thinking for a long time if this is something that I want to share on the internet. But I feel like there’s no one that really talks about it because they’re afraid – because of what others might say or think of it. Trust me, for me writing it down is so much easier than talking about it. This is of course a different post than you expected but I just wanted to share what’s been happening lately and the biggest reason why I haven’t been posting. On the other hand I have to share so much more; fun stuff that happened – among which my first cover – which I will share very soon